Dead Client?

One of my clients scared me today.  Though really it wasn't his fault.  One of my mental health clients lives quite close to me and I drive by his house when I come home.  Today when driving home, I saw two police cars and an ambulance at his house.  At his last hearing, the doctors reported that he was no longer a danger to himself or others, but he still thought he still needed help.  When I saw the ambulance and stretcher, I was genuinely scared that he had done something to himself.  I am now really glad that the court took my client seriously when he told the judge that he felt he still needed help.

When I called the police to see whether it was him, the dispatcher told me that it wasn't my client.  That was a huge relief to me.  I am still worried about whoever the ambulance was there for.

Could I drive a Toyota?

Eventually, I want to get a third car.  Something usable that I can drive everyday, so that on the weekends I can drive something much more fun and less practical.  But sadly, in the real world, I have to live within a budget and this means that my third, everyday car, would be something affordable.  Which means something used.  The cheapest used cars are the most reliable ones, but also the most boring.  And I just don't think I could look myself in the eye if I were driving a Honda, Toyota, or Nissan five days a week.  Maybe I could get a Mini; they are relatively uncommon, not too expensive, and available with a manual transmission.  I don't know which vehicle I will get for an everyday car and sadly I will probably have a while to think about it.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers

There was an article in the New York Times this weekend about how a large percentage of law schools are basically scams.  As the article explains, these third and fourth tier private schools entice potential students with promises of large starting salaries, give the students large amounts of debt, and, at most, can get only a few students jobs with salaries sufficient to pay back those student loans.

The protagonist of the article, as many other people have pointed out, comes across like an entitled ass who didn't know why he went to law school and doesn't have enough drive to be employable after he graduated.  My experience was that many people in law school have this issue.  When I entered law school, I was shocked at how many students came in on day-one knowing that they never wanted to work as a lawyer.  To them, law school was just a way to kill three years and stay and earn a somewhat prestigious degree.

Law is the only business like that.  There are no chemical engineering PhDs who are only lukewarm on the prospect of becoming a chemical engineer.  In the same vein, attorneys have an incredible attrition rate.  Many many attorneys quit to go into other lines of work.  You just don't see that in other careers that require so much education: if you are a dentist, you take that drill to the grave.  No dentist quits after three years to go into marketing.

Maybe it's because the actual work of an attorney is so different than the experience in law school; no one does significant motion practice in law school.  Maybe it's because they are doing the wrong kind of legal work.  Transactional stuff gets really boring.  Criminal, on the other hand, can be really fun.

When I worked at the PD's office in Baltimore, when I was in college, I didn't really like it, but now criminal law is much more fun.  It is the only type of law where you frequently get to go to court and argue in front of a jury.  You can do that in divorces too, but those clients are much less fun.  A side benefit is that I know where to get all the best drugs and know the people if I ever want to have someone killed.  I would, of course, never use those benefits, but they are still great insurance.

Canadian Healthcare

Since I was writing about skiing at Whistler last post and my vacation next week is still on my mind, I guess I will continue on that same train of thought.  My last time at Whistler was very memorable, but not for the reasons I would have hoped.  The last time I was in Whistler, I got appendicitis and had to spend three days in the hospital.

I was very satisfied with the Canadian healthcare system.  It was just as fast and effective as American healthcare and much cheaper.  I underwent surgery within a couple hours of my initial visit with a doctor.  To save money, I elected to share a room another patient rather than having a private room.  This made my stay at the hospital much more painful.

The other person in the room was an elderly man with Alzheimer's disease and some kind of bladder problem.  The doctors had to put a catheter in him, and because of his Alzheimer's he didn't know why and forgot what was happening halfway through; that plus the Canadian accent made it hilarious.  After abdominal surgery, laughing hurts really bad.  That was the most painful day of my life. I know, I am a horrible person.   

The World of Skiing

In two weeks, my wife and I will be going on vacation to one of my favorite ski resorts: Whistler.  Before this winter, my wife has never skied and over the past few weeks I have attempted to prepare her.  This preparation has two aspects.  First, the actual business of skiing.  I have now taken the Mrs. skiing twice and she coming along faster than I had hoped.  Her biggest problem is stopping.    Thus far, she stops primarily by getting to flat bit at the bottom of the hill and running out of momentum.  While this method is fairly successful on the small local hills, it is of far less practical on a mountain.

The second element that I have tried to prepare her for are the people we will encounter at Whistler.  Skiing, particularly in the mountains, is an expensive activity and largely attracts individuals of great means.  Now, we all know a few rich people, but the scale of difference between some skiers and the average american can still be quite surprising.  A few years ago, I was skiing at Vail and while waiting in line to buy tickets was approached by a person doing market research for the resort.  One of the questions on the survey asked for the subject's annual income.  The available answers were: 0-$150k, 150k-250k, 250-500k, 500k-1MM, 1MM-2MM, or 2MM plus.  More than 95% of American families would be in the first range; these families are rare at Vail.

Though my wife grew up on the Philippines, she wasn't poor.  Her parents had white collar jobs and all of her older siblings went to college in the Philippines.  But, I have still felt the need to prepare her for the people we will encounter at Whistler.  I am not afraid that she will embarrass me.  She is very social, well mannered and generally a good sport about everything.  But, I love skiing and I am afraid that she will be so put off by the other families' priorities and perspective that she won't want to be around them ever again.

California Dreamin

The biggest thing that I miss now that I am a working stiff is t-shirts.  When I was in school, I could wear whatever I wanted.  I always knew that this freedom would change once I started living nine to five, but I never suspected the psychic effect it would have on me.  I now know why so many men hate shopping: because no matter how well the clothes I like fit my body, they will not fit my life.  Seeing clothes I like in stores now only reminds me of opportunities lost.  The clothes that I have to wear to work everyday are now really only about function: looking professional.  They aren't particularly comfortable and grant little room for personal expression.

The solution to this problem, I think, is to move back to Los Angeles.  The only people wearing suits in LA are detectives.  The attorneys at Bet Tzedek wore jerseys to the office and no one gave a damn.  I need to get out of here.

Yankees Hate Fest Part II

I guess I really started hating the Yankees back in college.  Going to school in Baltimore put me around lots of people from the Northeast.  Every one of those guys was born into the Red Sox Yankees rivalry and none of them would ever shut up about their favorite team.  Really, I started hating the Yankees because the Red Sox fans weren't quite as annoying.  If you have never lived out east, just imagine the cast of Jersey shore wearing jerseys.  Ever since then, I have had no better moments in sports than watching the Yankees lose.

Twins Yanks

Tonight my Minnesota Twins start their playoff series against the New York Yankees.  For several  reasons, there is no baseball team that I hate more than the Yankees.  Though some of my reasons are rational, most are not and that is the best part.

The only thing better than sports joy is sports hatred perhaps because you get so many more opportunities to enjoy it.  Your favorite team can't win every year and even if your team has a few years of dominance, it is almost always preceded and followed by even longer periods of mediocrity.

Besides, when your team does win, the victory is ten times better knowing that the team you hate lost.  Ask any Red Sox fan.  Victory is fleeting, but hatred is forever.

Charles City Comets

I just noticed something that is really irritating me.  The mascot of the local high school here is the Comets.  The schools colors are orange and black.  But, comets are made out of ice not fire.  Why aren't the school's colors blue and white?  

US Citizenship Test

My wife is taking the citizenship test tomorrow.  Neither one of us is worried that she won't pass.  They changed the citizenship test recently and I have to say that the questions are very easy; any 9th grade graduate should be able to pass the test with no problem.  On top of the general ease of the questions, test takers only have to get 6 out of 10 correct to pass.  I guess the questions would be harder if you weren't fluent in English and came from a country which does not have broad elementary education.

The difficulty of the citizenship test makes me think that it really should be more difficult to vote.  Now, I don't want a return to the time when literacy tests were used to disenfranchise large groups of people.  But, democracy survives on an informed electorate.  How can our nation meet its need for the most competent leaders available when 31% of Republicans think that the President is a secret Muslim.  The people who think that fluoride in drinking water is a secret government mind control plot should not be allowed to vote.  Period.  The people who think that the President is intentionally trying to hurt the country should not be allowed to vote.  Period.  The people who think that President Obama is responsible for TARP should not be allowed to vote.  Period.  Delusional morons who are so ignorant about basic facts cannot beneficially contribute to our government.  And, thankfully, with a little luck there will be one more sane voter.

The Mad Hatter's Tea Party

Why exactly are the Tea Party people so mad?  I don't doubt their sincerity, only their sanity. They complain that President Obama has raised their taxes.  This isn't even close to true; unless you are in the top tax bracket, Obama doesn't even want Bush's tax cuts to expire.

They complain that President Obama wants to take away their guns.  Exactly what kind of paint are these people sniffing?  President Obama has never made any speeches about taking away people's guns.  President Obama has even signed a new law specifically allowing people to bring guns into National Parks; a right these gun nuts didn't have before.

They complain that President Obama wants sharia law in the US and we need a law to stop this from ever happening.  This one I find particularly hilarious.  We already have this law.  I admit, this law is a little obscure, but you may have heard of it: the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.  The Establishment Clause specifically bans the government from making any religiously motivated laws.  Never mind that Muslims make up only around 0.5% of the country.  US courts don't even let schools lead students in a moment of silence; how the hell would anything even close sharia law ever be allowed?

While the Tea Party's leaders are certainly exploiting the Tea Party's racist paranoia either for profit in Palin's case or for personal political gain in Gingrich's case, they aren't creating anything that didn't exist already.  A certain percentage of the country are scared as hell of anyone who isn't white and will not recognize anyone else's right to govern other than them.  I believe the Tea Party when they say they are mad.  But, I don't think they are using the word like we do in America: to mean angry; I think they are using the British vernacular.  I think they mean they are bat shit insane.

Tori Amos Gets Him Really Pumped

Because of his appearances on The Daily Show, general sense of humor about himself, and seemingly genuine intelligence, Mick Foley has always been my favorite professional wrestler; better even than The Rock and Hulk Hogan.  Now, my days of watching the WWF are long behind me, but I can still remember the childhood excitement.  I am not ashamed to admit that I used to watch professional wrestling.

Frankly, I don't understand the people who look down on its viewers.  They complain that it is fake and not a real sport; so what, so are horror movies.  Everyone knows that wrestling is fake, that doesn't stop people from enjoying it.  Everyone know that in wrestling, the performers aren't really competing, just like everyone knows that in horror movies, no one really gets killed.  The bottom line is that it is just entertainment.

Anyway, today I read an article written by Mick Foley himself about the impact that Tori Amos's song "Winter" had on him.  The article is well written, emotional, and impactful and I would encourage everyone to read it.

Schadenfruede

I am really into the show Pawn Stars on the History Channel.  For those of you who haven't seen it, it is basically   The Antiques Roadshow with more shaved heads, tattoos, morbid obesity.  People bring in their stuff, it is appraised and sometimes a deal is reached.  Maybe it is the German in me, but my favorite part of both shows is when someone brings in something that he thinks is incredibly valuable and then an expert tells the owner that because of something that he did, it is completely worthless.  The look on their faces is more valuable than anything anyone has ever brought into the shop.

My job would be great if it weren't for the clients

Does anyone out there know a way to keep my clients from lying to me?  I want to know how to get the truth out of these people because it will make my job and their bill much better.  When I ask you questions, I need the whole answer, not what you want me to believe.  As long as you are paying, I am not going to try any harder if I like you than if I don't. The less time I have to spend sorting out what is true from what you are telling me, the smaller your bill will be.  Also, If I am aware of some unfavorable evidence I can prepare for it and think of contradictory facts.  If the first time I see the evidence is at a hearing when it is offered as an exhibit by opposing counsel, then there is almost nothing I can do.

When I ask questions, I am asking what the facts are, not what you think the other side knows.  Similarly, when I ask questions I want to know all the facts, not just the facts you think are important.  I am the attorney; let me decide what is important.

Clients, for the sake of your wallet, do not ask me to do things that you can do yourself.  For example, if we will need bank records for your case, go to the bank and ask for them yourself instead of having me subpoena them. Similarly, do not ask me to speak with people who have confidentiality requirements (Doctors, social workers, etc) without first giving those people information releases.

The best show ... in the world

For several years my favorite show on television has been Top Gear.  Although you wouldn't know it from the show's level of awareness in the US, the self described "poky motoring show" on BBC2 is the most watched show in the world.  Each episode is seen by approximately 350 million people around the world.  It has spawned versions in Germany, Russia, Australia, and soon America.  I download every episode and can watch them over and over.  

But, despite all the happiness and joy the show has given me, despite all the people who have I shown it too, and  despite all the time I have spent watching it, I cannot, for the life of me, remember where I first saw it.  I have thought about this for a while and I have ruled-out a few places.  I know that no person showed it to me and I know that I did not see it on TV.  I am pretty sure that I found it linked to a different random video on youtube.  Random chance can bring great rewards and great misery; I can't believe how many hours of entertainment I may have missed out on if not for luck.

Career Questions

I have never been able to get enthusiastic about almost any topic for long periods of time.  This has always been a part of my personality, but I didn't really notice it until college.  When I started at Hopkins, I was a biology major.  But, by the end of my freshman year, I wanted to take too many different courses to stay on the biology track.  Lots of people change majors in college, sure.  But, I didn't switch because I liked something more.  I switched because I liked everything more.  I couldn't make a choice, so I picked a major that allowed me to take the widest variety of classes.  

This pattern continued after college when I went to law school.  Like college, I studied intensely the first year, but then lost focus and enthusiasm on the subject matter.  I added a dual MBA degree to my law program and greatly enjoyed marketing.  

Now, I don't know what to do with my life.  I am not that happy in my work as an attorney and I am thinking about looking for a job in market research.  If I get one, will it really make me happy or will I just end up looking for something else in a few more years?  Working as an attorney, I would likely make much more money in the long-run than working in market research. But, I can't keep changing jobs the rest of my life and expect to get anywhere. And, if I am never going to enjoy what I do for a long period of time, then why not just stay in a job that pays better?  I want to establish a career for myself, but I also want to enjoy what I do.  I have always loved cars and I don't think I will ever get tired of driving.  Maybe I should just become a trucker.

Why isn't CSPAN always this good?

I am really hoping that Stephen Colbert isn't the last comic that Congress will call to testify.  

World's Worst Phone

There are several companies that I don't like for various reasons: bad customer service, unreasonably high prices, defective products.  But, in my mind, worse than all others is LG.  I have to preface this story by stating that everything in it is true; if I were making this up, I would be much less frustrated with where I work now.  

My old phone, the world's worst phone, was an LG.  At first I really liked the phone; it had a qwerty keyboard - this was a couple years ago - and was much easier to type on than my phone before it.  What I later found out was that while the phone may have done many things well, it completely failed to display any symbol when I had a voice-mail.  Most of the time this wasn't a big deal.  Because of caller ID, I could see who had called and guess whether he or she had left a message.  Of course, there were some calls where the caller ID said "unknown," but these were invariably telemarketers who I simply ignored.  

In the spring of 2009, my last year of law school and business school, I was excited for the future.  I had received multiple job offers and was feeling lucky to have employment in such an uncertain economy.  Despite my success in my job search, I was still applying for careers that I thought would be more exciting or highly paid.  One of the places I applied to was the National Clandestine Service division of the CIA.  

At that time, the CIA was undergoing a large recruitment drive at business schools and the University of Iowa was one place they held an event.    At the presentation two people with fake names gave the highlights of what potential new employees would be doing: after training, new agents would do at least a year long tour in a hostile environment before being reassigned to a safer place.  I should explain.  The vast majority of what the CIA does is fairly boring; most of their workers are economists and engineers who rarely leave metropolitan Washington DC.  National Clandestine Service operatives are the actual spies; they are stationed overseas and given a cover job at an embassy or a front-business.  Clandestine Services agents do not have diplomatic cover.  One such agent was Valerie Plame, the CIA agent outed by the Bush Administration, another is Robert Baer, who was the basis for George Clooney's character in Syriana.  This is real James Bond type stuff.  What little boy's dream wasn't to be a secret agent?  Even though my future career as an attorney had a much smaller risk of death or torture, I logged on to the CIA's website and applied without hesitation.  

A couple weeks later my phone rang.  The caller ID said "unknown" so I ignored the called having been conditioned to believe that I was avoiding a telemarketer.  Over the next two weeks this happened three more times.  Over the following two weeks I had not missed any calls from anyone who would have left a voice-mail and as a result had not checked my voices messages for over a month.  Finally, I missed a call from my parents and checked my voice mail.  I had five new messages.  One was from my dad. 

The other four all had the exact same message.  A female voice said, "Mr. Slavik, I am calling about the application that you filled out online.  We would like to speak with you.  Please call 202 -***-**** and ask for Karen."  The message did not say who it was from and did not give "Karen's" last name. 

After hearing the messages I was thrilled and furious.  I was thrilled because I knew 202 was a Washington DC area code and the CIA was the only job that I applied to in that area.  I was angry because it was now several weeks after the messages were left and my damn phone never told me I had a message.  I quickly called the number the message gave.  

I woman picked up the phone and said, "recruiting."  I explained how I had received a message asking me to call the number and ask for Karen.  I was then transfered to a answering machine with a message that did not identify who the machine belonged to.  I gave my name, phone number, and explained why it took me so long to call.

I am not a religious person, but I prayed that "Karen" would call back.  She never did.  Now I can only curse LG and wonder at what might have been. 

Question for Creationists

If the earth is only 7000 years old, why can we see the light from stars that are millions of light-years away?

California Pot Initiative

I read today that beer brewers and distributers are going to start spending money in the California voter initiative to legalize marijuana and I wonder how long it will be until Pharmaceutical makers start spending too.  I think that this is something that all people who are completely dead set against marijuana legalization should think about.  The beer makers aren't against legalized pot because they buy into the gateway drug scare tactics, they are against legalization because they know that pot is a substitute for alcohol; they know that pot plays the same role in society with the same benefits and the same drawbacks as alcohol.  

Just like alcohol, if you abuse pot, you will suffer a lot negative consequences.  But if you use either in appropriate doses rarely will anything bad happen.  Human beings have a need to escape: we do it with drugs, we do it with alcohol, we do it with food, we do it with shopping.  Even if all the drugs in the world disappeared, people would still spin around in circles until they fell down dizzy.  It is high time that the US government and the American people look at drugs rationally and let the facts determine what is and isn't a threat.